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Can’t sleep again.

Will it ever end?

I can’t sleep again!

I turn and toss

I’m at a loss

There’s no sleep

Only a million sheep

I get no rest

I do my best

To out the sound

But my thoughts are a mound.

Turn off the lights

I love you, goodnight


A letter to future me ; just breathe

I just need to remember to breathe. I get all these thoughts in my head at the same time and but the one thought that I don’t have is to breathe. I’m so tired but I’m so happy with how I’m improving myself as a person. I just gotta keep up the great work. Money is at steady flow right now and I’m supporting myself financially all while being a productive member of society. So this is to a future me who is reading this : you can do this because you have done it in the past. If you take care of yourself right you can be successful at what ever it is that you are trying to achieve. And that this note contains proof that you are not a failure so when you feel like it read this and know you have done something great.

Ain’t it a funny thing

Ain’t it a funny thing that I care about everyone around me more than they care for me. I feel it. I know this is true. These people are my whole life and they are my world. But I’m not theirs. I went back today and read my other blogs and they are all still true even after a great deal of time has passed on. Like when I said I only blog when I have nobody to turn, witch is my exact situation now. I called my cousin phe no answer (it is 3:45 in the morning but she is a night owl) she msged me back saying she can’t talk . I told her that I needed her wisdom but there wasn’t one care in the world. I don’t send msges like that at this hour ever unless I really do need something.

Ain’t it a funny thing that now here I sit 21 years old and I was confronted about how young and nieve iam at 3am in the morning. People said this behind my back today and a person who has no filter brought it up to me when I was grabbing a quick drink of water in the middle of my sleep.

Ain’t it a funny thing that the person who said this and the people who agreed about it (possible innocent bystanders) have no place to judge me. They are some of the most inconsiderate, irresponsible people I know. Yesterday my brother Greg called me in the middle of my sleep and I choose not to answer because I knew what he was going to say. I knew that he needed money a car to barrow and I decided that because I worked late that night that he could wait until I got a full 8 hours. Finally after the 6th missed called he called the house phone and my nephew came and gave me the phone. Then and there I decided I was going to give him a piece of my mind and sure did I. So now I’m nieve because I told him how I was feeling. We argued for about 30 minutes and now I’m late to all the Errons I have to run. He demanding I pick him up and doesn’t care that if I do come get him that I will be late to work (but this isnt inconsiderate at all) I went and picked up my check and then pick him up afterwards. We exchanged words ( mine only being truthful) he decided because he didn’t get things his way that he hopes I have a “horrible” day.

And ain’t it a funny thing that no matter how much these people use me up I still would cross valleys, climb mountains to brake my back for them. After they treat me like dirt they are still my world.

Ain’t it a funny thing.

Off my chest 

  1. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever make it through this life. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this world. People are harsh and the lack of love makes my heart hurt. The reason why I’m writing this is because I’m confused . I’m full of anxiety and I feel trapped most of my days. I can tell I’m depressed . But I just simply don’t know how to help myself. I think about things everyday that could improve me as a person. I’m 20 years old and am now starting to understand that I’m not quite sure exactly who iam. Is that a fair thing to say at 20 years old? I’m not sure where I want to go in life and I have no idea about morals . I’m trying to build me . Trying to figure out my character, and My own personalty. I’m scared of who I’ll be become and it makes me want to stop time. I need to vent I have no one to talk to about this.i feel like maybe if either one of my parents were still alive they would help guide me . That’s what mom’s and dad’s are for right? I don’t have a clue because I don’t have any. But I do appreciate what I do have witch is my 6 brothers and my 1 sister. They guide me to as well I’m the youngest out of everyone and they like to protect me. Every single one of them are like my parent. Hell my sister raised me. But to who ever reads this or even if no one does I still feel better after getting some of these things off my chest.